Thursday, November 20, 2008

I want to get married, again

Not that I have been married - my desire to get married has been renewed. Oh, no, I am not in love, I thought I was recently but it just turned out to be a case of Barack Obama is President euphoria gone wild! (BTW, has Steven Baldwin left the country as he promised (see below)?)

Anyhoozle - here's my reason. I just saw this cure for a narcissist who has failed to become famous - pencils made of one's remains! The lucky bastard to whom you bequeath these pencils, embossed with your name, come in a box that is also the sharpener so that when the pencils are all finished the box becomes a decorative urn! Awesome!

Now accepting marriage proposals. You must be in shape, handsome, not too issue-laden and, of course, a pencil user!

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

The best reason to vote for Barack Obama, by far!

We are in a recession. We need to get the heck outta OCCUPYING Iraq. We need to rescue & protect the U.S. Constitution. 3-4 Supreme Court Judges will most likely retire and need to be replaced by judges who are not crazy.

But even taking alllllllll of that into consideration, the bestbestbestbestbestbestBEST reason I have come across thus far is...

if, excuse me, when Barack Obama is elected President, Steven Baldwin will leave the country! He's the ugly, unfunny and super-stupid Baldwin Brother who took a perfectly self-destructive cocaine addiction and traded it in for 'Kristianity' - like 'Christianity', only too dogmatic to include likes of Jesus Christ himself, even!

Good. Leave, Steven. Go (back) and hand out bibles in Iraq with burned DVDs of "Bio Dome".

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Issues, schmissues...



Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Altoona Bowling Ball Speaks Out

The Bowling Ball used by Presidential Candidate, Senator Barack Obama, says that Barack Obama misrepresented its ability to 'bowl strikes'. After the media mercilously mocked its repeated forays into the gutter, as if this were something under its control, the Altoona Bowling Ball demanded an hour with Bill Moyer, lunch with Jon Stewart, inexplicably to party with Lindsey Lohan and a week long press conference at the National Press Club, with only green M&M's in its dressing room. The Altoona Bowling Ball, "Al", was most upset by the onslaught of Youtube clips that were condensed down to specifically make it look like a Nerf ball. One in particular, labelled "OBAMA BOWLS LIKE A LITTLE GIRL" doesn't even show the actual Little Girl who was instrumental in Sen. Obama's misrepresentation of its "awesome pin punking prowess" says Al. The outraged, Bowling Ball asked, "Where are the videos of me making the pins my bitches?" Moreover, the Bowling Ball is embarrassed by photos of it 'topless' with the Senator's fingers inserted into its holes (Al admits it did not fully understand the signed release). When asked about its patriotism, Al the Bowling Ball retorted, "Dick Cheney never went to any alley!" Full disclosure, Al the Bowling Ball has said it owes the Clintons a lot, since people bowled more in the 90's, whereas, Sen. Obama was out engaging in elitist basketball.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Everyone's gone Hollywood!

(image removed)
When I hear of dangerous gangs careening through the streets, selling useless crap and shooting, I think, "Paparazzi!". When I hear of Los Angeles, trendsetters and shooting I think, "Bloods and/or Crips". And so does someone else becuz we now have Bloods and/or Crips Papparazzi. And kudos. One photo of Britney vaj is undoubtedly worth more than a truckload of crack and not illegal, but probably just as demoralizing for our society.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Leave OJ alone!

At the risk of sounding like a YouTube jr. Queen insta-hit, "Leave OJ alone!"

Last night, at the top of the Yahoo News (News?!!!), was that video of some Judge Judy Knock-off "reaming" OJ for, idunno, removing the mattress tag or something else that really fucking matters. A few items down the page was the headline of mobster, killer of 20, turned gov't witness. Did his judge call him arrogant? No, I guess after killing 20 other humans for a living, setting up a nice hedge fund from that hit-moola for your wife, and various mistresses (mistressi?) & your kids' trust funds, then deciding it's time to rat out your "co-workers", makes you almost cuddly and "60-minutes" bookable. Heck, throw in confessions to a shrink, and you've got fodder for Emmy Award winning entertainment! Badabing.

Even zanier, I've heard Hitler and OJ used in the same reference. Really? Hitler, OJ...same thing? ONE dyed-blonde, coked-out homewrecker is a Holocaust? Wow. She was Uber-aryan.

While OJ is in Fla, he should join one of those anti-Castro, private army social clubs, to make some friends and get the law off his back. Nevermind the economic prosperity of Cuban Americans that living here for more than 50 years hath wrought, these people are exiles!!! While other Floridians golf, they love to unwind at remote encampments with combat formations or AK-47 target practice, in between sipping mojitos and plotting the overthrow of Cuba, undisturbed by Homeland Security. Still spry OJ could help the next sneak attack on tourist locales near Havana. They really are different from terrorists like al-Quaida because, well, they vote Republican.

Soooo...If OJ did it or if he didn't, guilty or not guilty...aquitted! Now, leave OJ alone.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Freaky Friday

Take two wildly divergent concepts, crash them together and run with all your might into the nearest wall. If you survive, that dizziness is the tingle of your new faith strangling your common sense.

1. The Christian Goths -. Entrance into Heaven and Hell. Afterlife covered.
2. The Black KKK - seriously, pure genius.
3. Geri Halliwell. Ginger? No. Jehovah's Witness Spice.

UPDATE: Come see ME @ Comix Tuesday, December 11th @ 7 pm!!!